We go to the Doug Fir to see to Milo Greene. Being down in this basement venue used to give me panic attacks. It’s a confined space. When I’m in the center of it all, I feel a sense of disassociation. I am in a movie starring a much cooler version of myself. The music starts and it is my heart beat.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom boom boom boom. I wouldn’t have known I was alive if it weren’t for this drummer. I can feel the vibrations carrying into my chest and I am certain that it is pumping my heart. I can feel it knock against my ribs.

It’s unsettling, this feeling of your heart beating, the rocking of your organs cradled in your chest. I am alive but I am human. These thin tissues are all I have. I am disassociating myself again. The beating brings me back.

An opener is like a one night stand. I can never remember their name.

The lights go on and Milo Greene sets up. Their voices are all so uniquely beautiful that I find myself getting angry. I want to hear them sing, one by one, without interruption.

I had been listening to their music online the last week in anticipation. Seeing them in front of me; they’re like angels. I feel instant regret for everyone who is not here, not in this room. This moment that will only happen once. These people in this room with these songs in this order. And then the moment is gone.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

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